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Two different sides of socks. 

I noticed my two-year-old niece comfortably wearing different colored socks. 

Have you ever wondered why we were taught to wear the same-colored sock on either foot? Tradition and cultural beliefs encourage us to engage in what appears to be normal. Is there a right and a let side of sock? We sometimes engage this process and line of questioning as we grieve during a period of loss. Just as there is no right and left side of sock, neither is there a right and wrong way to grieve, as the reasons for our grief and the pain we endure are all different. 

Today as you engage in the emotions relative to grief, namely: anger, disbelief, guilt, depression, and acceptance I want to encourage you to wear different socks, as it relates to your loss experience. 

You will agree with me that some of us learn from loss, while others find themselves discouraged and saddened when faced with a similar experience. 

Allow me to speak to the latter first, that of being discouraged and saddened by loss, which, for most, is the natural reaction to loss. Consider for a moment that loss is not only relative to death, but to ending of a relationship, change in job, retirement, or even being diagnosed with a terminal disease. For this article, I want to focus on loss of life and engage in conversation relative to the emotions we experience.  

My question to you is, “Do you think there are lessons learnt when loss is experienced?” 

I would like to say YES!  Granted, you may not encounter these emotions initially, but after time you realize how much wiser you have become, more mature, the importance of not taking love or life for granted, the need to create memories and that life appears to be once more, meaningful.   

Recently, I lost three of my best friends. My anger became evident when I asked myself “Why didn’t they all care for themselves in a proper manner? As the old adage goes, “Pot calling the kettle black”, I don’t care for myself either, so their loss was a reminder to me to take better care. Lesson learnt. I was also angry because I was left with no one to share those private jokes with.  

Let’s talk about the emotion of disbelief, it took me awhile to understand that all three were no longer her, left within a year. As the saying goes “Here today, gone tomorrow”. There was no level of guilt or depression, because as friends we did everything, went everywhere, but I found myself asking this question.  “When someone dies, the pain we feel is it for the person who died, or for ourselves, kind of selfish, isn’t it”? Certainly, thought provoking!  Admittingly, part of you no longer exists and the changes you see in yourself are sometimes difficult to recognize and accept. It is now about your own survival, and though that may be unsettling to think of, it remains a reality. 

I resolved the answer to my questioning with the knowledge, we are all in this life to serve a purpose, some may live our purpose unknown and others may still be attempting to identify what their purpose is.  

So, tell me, was your loss experience a lesson, or one that brought you sadness?  

What sock are you wearing today? 

#bereavementcounselling #blogging #belgroves,


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